LETTING GO of the past, ACCEPTING what is and EMBRACING the future.
I have mentioned before that it has been very very weird, in fact has seriously done my head in at times, to be told I am ‘inspirational’ or to be held up as an example of ‘a success story’. Especially when I am still working through making changes in my life! In my mind I feel like I did what I had to do – nothing more, nothing less. I have wrestled with this a lot over the last 6 months. I have come to a point of understanding and acceptance.
This afternoon I had a little surprise and a reminder of how much I have changed recently. I visited the 12WBT.com homepage and as I was not logged in the sign up page for new members came up. I did not realise this image & text about me was on the 12WBT sign up website until today!
I knew there was a link to the Success Story page with my story (and yes I 100% gave permission & I do want others to make changes as a result of seeing that I did it, I just have not been as OK with the ‘inspirational’ thing as I first thought!) anyways… today I got a little surprise to see my face on the sign up page when I scrolled down. Haha. But what gave me a BIGGER pleasant surprise was my positive reaction to it – or rather a lack of a NEGATIVE reaction to it.
This type of thing *used* to do my head in some days. What’s interesting is NOW I can see these photos, see reference to me as ‘a success story’ or ‘an inspiration’ and not cringe, not feel uncomfortable, not feel overwhelmed, not want to reject those words or titles. Huzzah!
I decided a while ago that this unexpected outcome of “being inspirational” that came from deciding “I don’t want to die!” due to being obese and ill is a good thing. If my story helps someone to turn things around and become the best version of themselves then I am very happy to OWN THAT and step up into a role of leading and inspiring others. In my professional life I am passionate and driven about helping people to improve their health – what is the difference with this situation? Only that it is very very personal and well, not about health research or evidence based medicine but rather about ME as an individual which is confronting, it’s exposing. I’ve had to come to terms with all of that.
It’s been a crazy, unplanned adventure and I have been so open… so very very open… and said YES to everything…. then have had to negotiate whatever came from that whether it be feelings within myself or reactions from others, opportunities that presented. Tonnes of good, plenty of challenges & struggles. Vast amounts learnt about myself and the world.
It might not seem like a biggie to some reading this, but it’s been a big struggle for me to wrap my head around this ‘inspirational’ thing and I have mostly stayed quiet about it as I have not understood the hows and whys of what I felt nor how to express it. Got my head around it all now. In keeping with the open & raw nature of this blog I decided to stop waiting to ‘process’ this and just start putting it out there, as you’ve no doubt noticed in my posts and Facebook activity over the last month! More raw than ever some days. But – I am on this adventure now…. and going to keep going. I am not sure what is next but I am ever eager to see what comes next.
So this post is all part of letting go of the past and embracing the future for me. In keeping with the current theme. Feels good to LET GO, ACCEPT & EMBRACE. xx Ange